As summer is winding down, we are here literally opening a new, physical door - and opening a door that feels a little bit terrifying, but wonderful and joyful at the same time.
Soon after we settled into our new Scarborough castle three years ago, it was clear that the robin’s egg blue doors that caught our eye from the street while house hunting were not the solid barrier the entryway doors should be. Original to the our 46 year old home, the wooden doors were warped just enough to let the wet, chilly winter winds whistle through. Not so cozy. So near the top of the future home improvement projects list was replace the doors. Not right away we agreed, because finances and priorities and then, (surprise!) cancer, but soon.
Bill’s cancer treatment ongoing with a successful stem cell transplant complete, this summer was the right time to close these warped old doors for the last time.
Closing these doors for the last time with the promise of the privacy and comfort that we want to enjoy for years and years to come.
This. This is just the right amount of privacy and comfort, with a little more wonderful light inside. This is just what this castle needs.
As for the metaphorical door? Bill’s body has responded well to his cancer treatments. The oncologist, multiple myeloma specialist and the stem cell transplant team are pleased and positive which gives us much hope. Still, the cancer has stolen so much from Bill’s body that he would never be able to return to the physical demands of his job. Retiring was soon to come for him before the cancer diagnosis and rapidly declining health of this last year. But not THIS soon he will tell anyone. Nevertheless, it is what it is. We both are grateful for a strong union that expected saving and preparing for retiring someday of its apprentices and journeymen even when one is in their twenties and presuming to live hard and play hard for almost forever so why save and prepare now? It is that wisdom and smart investments and planning that made his retiring just a few years before he intended not as stressful and worrisome as it could have been. There is nothing but gratitude for that and with that door opening up for him, it feels like it should be the time for me to soon, very soon take his hand and walk through that opening door. Terrifying? A little bit. I mean, it’s a change and change for me is always a little bit scary and feeling unstable. Nurtured and raised up with chaos always, I can’t help myself. Yet, at the same time, it is the right time. Life experiences together and almost everything that has happened over the last few years assure me that it is time for the next chapter for us in this adventure together. So now, as I begin to count down to retirement, I am going to tell all of you all to check your voter registration and make a plan to vote because the most terrifying thing to me right now is imagining being a retired person with that useful idiot in power.
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort – the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing – the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
~ Andy Rooney